Birds and the Bees...

 After the very public questioning from Nathan on the bus the other day about the meaning of ‘semen’ following his lesson on reproduction at school, today he announces ‘Mummy, did you know sometimes girls kiss boy’s willies, why would they do that?’ Followed by ‘Is it true men stick willies up peoples’ bums?’, I began to think it was time for the talk. For those of you who have not read my previous posts, Nathan is 10 years old… almost 11 so I feel I’ve done well so far to avoid these types of questions. He has still never questioned me on the existence of Father Christmas which in the order of child development, I’m sure would have come first.

 I was slightly wary of this talk, I was given the job of telling my little brother about the birds and the bees when he was in year 6. He wound up being gay, I’m sure I told him right. In fact, I’m positive I told him what went in what hole. I even drew him diagrams to show him what went where as he was in shock. He is not so innocent anymore!

 I remember feeling confused as a child at the random words I heard. When I asked my mum what ‘masturbation’ was, she told me to look it up in the dictionary. All I remember it saying was ‘rubbing ones’ genitals’ which really didn’t help my confusion, and I thought blow jobs had something to do with a hair dryer for a long time. I tried to organise how I would bring the subject up in my head, and leave him to ask questions on what he may have heard.

 As Nathan and Jack have different fathers and they needed an explanation of how this happened, I told them when a woman wants a baby, they should find a man they want to be a daddy and ask for a seed, the seed grows in the mummy’s tummy to make a baby. The baby’s daddy is dependent on the man the mummy gets the seed from.  Nathan had previously asked where do men get the seeds from to which I had replied, when he became an adult, he would get given a ‘bag’ of them. They sort of are stored in a bag after all. 😉

 I decided I’d bring the topic up asking him about sex education at school and how he thought it had gone and if he was confused about anything. He giggled and said his teacher was talking about ‘sexual maturity’. I played dumb and asked him what he thought that meant. He said girls get boobies and boys get hairy. I thought ok that’s sort of true, let’s go with that. So, I try to explain what may happen to his body as he gets older to which he covered his ears and refused to listen. Going well so far. I’m sure this is a fathers’ role for a son to explain how a body will change, but no chance of that happening, so mum must play dad too.

 I asked him what he thought ‘sex’ meant, he said it’s rude. I reassured him it was ok and he could explain. He said a man and a woman get naked, they get in a bed and hug, the man puts his willy in a woman’s bottom. Ok, so this was our basis, still have a correct hole issue, but sort of got the gist. I asked him why he thought people would do that? He said he didn’t know.

 So, referring to his lesson about semen and the reproduction of the tortoise, I told him the semen is the liquid that carries the mans ‘seed’ into the woman’s body. Its carried through the willy into the woman’s vagina and meets with an egg. This is ‘fertilisation’ and how a baby grows. I thought this was a scientific but childlike way to describe it. He already knew the worst part, but just not why it happened. How wrong was I, I horrified my child. He was horrified that women have yet another hole for child birth. He feels we have too many to not fall apart. He then questioned, ‘so I definitely did not come out of your butt?’ No, my dear, you did not! He has decided he is never going to have children. If he does, he is going to adopt from China, where the people who did that to make the baby will be far away. He then told me he knew what I had done to get him and his brother and did not want to speak to me for a while.

 The result, I have horrified my child to try and solve the confusion. Should I have said nothing and just answered the random questions as they came? Was it to soon? I never got to the part about erections through attraction and how the semen comes out, think I’ll save that for another day.

  Shortly after the discussion, Nathan came back to me and to quote him, “Do you know mummy, some acrobats are so flexible then and have sex on their own.” Sigh and give up for today!